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Help Desk...
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When you call the Help desk, state what you want, not what's keeping you from getting it. We don;t eed to know that you can't get into your mail because your computer won't power on at all. | When a Tech is eating lunch at his desk, walk right up and spill your guts right out. We exist only to serve. Don't use Online Help. Online help is for whimps. When you call a Techie's direct line, press 5 to skip the bilingual greeting that says he's out of town for a week, record your message and wait excatly 24 hours before you send an email straight to the Managing Director because no one ever returned your call. You're entitled to common courtesy. Don't write anything down. We can guess what the error message might have been.
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Problem?!?
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When you get a message about insufficient disk space, delete everything in the Windows directory. It's nothing but trouble anyway. | When you get a message about hard disk controller failure, and then you reboot and it looks okay, don't call tech support. We'd much rather troubleshoot it when it's dead as a doornail. Don't learn the propername for anything technical. We know exactly what you mean by "My thingy's outta whack". When a tech finds the porno pictures in your Recycle Bin, tell her you've never seen those before. We couldn't tell a thing if it kicked us in the face. When you need to change the toner cartridge, call Tech Support. Changing a toner cartridge is an extremely complex task, and Hewlett-Packard recommends that it be performed only bby a Professional Engineer with a master's degree in Nuclear Physics.
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A word from...
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Feel perfectly free to say things like "I don't know nothing about that computer crap". We don't mind at all hearing our area of Professional expertise referred to as crap. | We don't really believe tha you're a bunch of ungrateful twits. It hurts our feeling that you could even think such a thing. We wish to express our deepest gratitude to the hundreds of clueless losers portrayed herein, without whom none of this would have been remotely possible. Don't ever thank us, we're geting paid for this.
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